Grieving: How to deal with grief

Grief is a natural response to loss. Grief is the emotional suffering you feel when after experiencing a loss. Feelings of grief can be experienced after a death of a loved one, result of a major loss, or life change. Grief onset is often experienced as acute emotional pain, while it can become overwhelming and feel uncontrollable. The uncontrollable feeling that grief presents is due to the unexpected emotions paired with grieving, such as shock, anger, disbelief, guilt, and profound sadness. The pain of grief can also disrupt physical health, making it difficult to sleep, eat, or even possess regular cognition patterns.

The Grieving Process

Grieving is a highly individual experience; there's no right or wrong way to grieve. How you grieve depends on many factors, including your personality and coping style, your life experience, your faith, and how significant the loss was to you.

Inevitably, the grieving process takes time. Healing happens gradually; it can't be forced or hurried—and there is no “normal” timetable for grieving. Whatever your grief experience, it is important to be patient with yourself and allow the process to naturally unfold.

The stages of grief

In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what became known as the “five stages of grief.” These stages of grief were based on her studies of the feelings of patients facing terminal illness, but many people have generalized them to other types of negative life changes and losses, such as the death of a loved one or a break-up.

The five stages of grief

Denial: “This can't be happening to me.”

Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”

Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”

Depression: “I'm too sad to do anything.”

Acceptance: “I'm at peace with what happened.”

If you are experiencing any of these emotions following a loss, it may help to know that your reaction is natural and that you'll heal in time. Not all grief stages need to be experienced to heal. Some individuals resolve their grief without going through any of these stages. The stages of grief do not occur in sequential order, so don't worry about what you “should” be feeling or which stage you're supposed to be in.

How to deal with the grieving process

Give yourself permission to feel

Grieving is a normal part of experiencing loss, but in order to grieve, you must give yourself the opportunity. Recognize and acknowledge your pain. Your emotional health will benefit if you face your grief and give yourself time for it to run its natural course.

Write a letter to the lost

If you have recently lost a loved one or a job, try expressing your feelings through a letter. Write to your loved one, or to yourself during a previous stage in life. Writing a message about your emotions can be cathartic and aid with coping.

Choose good company

Talking to someone about your experience can be extremely challenging but very important for the grieving process. Resist the urge to shut people out during your time of experiencing grief. Attempt to find a confidant to share grief with, whether it be a therapist, friend, or family member.

Take care of yourself

Be gentle with yourself. Try not to judge yourself for not “doing better” or “keeping it together”. When experiencing grief and hardships, it is crucial that you maintain your body. Nourish your body with healthy foods. Make a routine, giving yourself time to grieve. Move your body. Get enough sleep. Incorporate fresh air and mindful breathing techniques.

Keep structure in your day

Give yourself time to groom, dress, and practice self-care. Even if you choose not to leave the house, setting a routine can help incorporate some normalcy in your day.

Take care of your inner needs

Find time to connect with things that help maintain your sense of meaning and purpose. Whether though a spiritual practice or creative outlet, find time for yourself.